Zoflora Kitchen Wipes

Shit you’ll need:

  • One roll of Regina Blitz.
  • A lidded plastic tub.
  • Tap water.
  • Yer chosen Zoflora scent.
  • Scissors.

I thought I’d share this alternative to making wipes – this is not to say it’s better, it’s simply another method. If you’re wondering what the alternative IS, well basically folks have been adding Zoflora to cheap baby wipes which I’ve not tried personally, because this write up is how I’ve been doing it.

Regina Blitz is massssiiiive sheet wise. I love the stuff and use it to make these wipes and also face wipes. Make a pile of RB, cutting each piece in half and stacking it in your plastic tub. Add ONE CAPFUL of Zoflora to roughly half a pint of water. Add it slowly so the wipes are at optimum saturation – you might use a bit less or a bit more depending on how big your pile is. RB is perfect for this because it’s very very strong, and the pieces are much larger than typical kitchen paper.

If you use a full roll of RB, you will get an absolute shitload of wipes because it will go really far. Keep the lid on your tub to make sure they don’t dry out obviously.

That’s yer lot. You can use this method to create any type of wipe – face or baby wipes using appropriate ingredients, multi surface cleaner wipes etc. A splash of neat Flash in the water instead of Zoflora works. DO NOT MIX THEM. You don’t want to accidentally melt your lungs out creating chemical fumes. Yes folks will say that they have been doing it for a while with no issue – but the fact is that chemical toxicity can build over time, and before you know it, you’re wheezing like a forty-year-chain-smoker after attempting to run to the offy before closing time for a packet of cigs.

EASHO – My new favourite household supply website 🛒

I shall preface this with the fact that I haven’t been asked to write this, and probably won’t get promotion for it because as we all know, I’m a foul mouthed gobshite, and as such, it’s unlikely such lovely brands will want be associated with me, but I will still love them regardless.

I definitely tend to buy things in bulk from online vendors when I can, because it means I don’t have to brave the wilds of meat-space shopping, plus it means I save money in the process. Easho are a company that sell things in bulk to the public at wholesale prices, without the need for a special card, or to provide proof of business dealings etc. You can log on, create an account and shop to your heart’s content – it’s fucking fantastic.

🤡 THEY ALSO STOCK ZOFLORA. 🤡

….if you as a vendor stock Zoflora at prices that aren’t extortionate to take advantage of folks like me and our lack of impulse control whilst buying it, then you will have a loyal following forever. Easho do in fact stock it at a really fucking good price, so I was totally sold. I contacted them via twitter recently to ask if they could get their hands on Method, and not soon after they did exactly that. Not ONLY that, but they stocked it at the equivalent of £1.87 for a bottle of 828ml Anti-bac all purpose cleaner, in batches of four. That currently costs £3 per bottle via Ocado, and a whopping £6.54 for the same via Amazon.

As you can imagine, the moment folks found out it was being sold at such a low price, it sold out pretty fucking quickly. I got myself a batch of anti bac, and a batch of all purpose cleaner. Not gonna lie, I was absurdly excited over buying bloody household cleaning items —what the galloping shitfuck is wrong with me?

(Don’t try and answer that, the list is loooooooong).

My order was dispatched within two days. You get free delivery for orders over £55, but your first order is free at checkout if you apply the discount code of ‘FREEDEL.’ Nice sweetener there.

A big thing for me when I order online, is how well something is packaged, and what it’s packaged with. It arrived in a box marked ‘fragile’, and ‘this way up’, although that’s not evident from this photo.

It’s a box mate.

Opening the box I was greeted with this:

EXCELLENT.

I am big fan of recycled packaging.

Andrea knows how to pack the shit out of things.

SCORE! Got some freebies too, one of which I bastardised by throwing in my coffee shortly after.

Trigger spray bottles are notorious for firing off in transit. To prevent this, each bottle was topped with bubble wrap, and rice based packing peanuts were pushed under the triggers for further protection, not pictured here because I was too excited and unwrapped them really quickly. Sorry.

The Zoflora in the featured photo is from an assorted box; linen fresh, twilight garden, tropical twist, and paradise peach were the scents I received. They came boxed, it’s just I’m a filthy heathen and mercilessly stripped them off.

Zoflora in this household is NAKED.

I’ve had a few bad experiences recently with online shops – both online pound shops that do offer good bargains, BUT fail hard when it comes to packing and customer service. Dented boxes turning up way beyond promised delivery windows which shows a poor taste in couriers, and time management, along with such bad packing that items were crushed, burst, and destroyed. Getting responses from customer service for refunds and general enquiries took far too long.

For people who aren’t able to just nip out to a pound shop, these things would be helpful, IF they were properly managed.

Every enquiry I’ve ever made with Easho has been answered in quick time, and has been polite and extremely helpful. They are bloody marvellous, and now my entire flat smells of rhubarb and pink grapefruit, to the point where I’m seriously considering buying some custard to lick off the walls.

FIVE FUCKING STARS FOLKS.

Kitchen Experiments: Carpet Freshener 💯

If you are old enough to remember The shake and vac song from days gone by (haha now you have it stuck in your head), you’ll also remember how noxious some of them were scent wise, and also what it was like to get stuck in a sneezing fit because you were a massive tit and accidentally inhaled some when you were throwing it all over the shop.

I haven’t bought any for YEARS.

I bulk buy bicarbonate of soda from Amazon (yes I know but principles cost money and I’m sadly not rich), because I use it all over my flat for a multitude of purposes. One of them is carpet freshener. Here’s my current gubbins for it:

A screen-cap from the very enthusiastic lady in the old advert.

Stuff and things:

  • Some manner of large receptacle for shoving the powder in – I use a 900ml glass jar that used to have black olives in it before I scoffed them all like a pig. 🐷
  • Bicarbonate of soda or baking powder.
  • Wooden spatula for mixing.
  • Essential oils or non flammable fragrance.

I have a lot of carpet to cover, so I will probably use a fair amount of essential oil. If you only need a small amount of carpet freshener, just use a capful of the stuff. The idea is that you slowly add and combine the bicarb with your chosen scent until it’s powdery enough to sprinkle. You don’t want hulking big lumps of it, unless you want to spend time on your hands and knees mashing it into yer carpet. If you WANT to do that, go right ahead but you’ll probably look a bit daft.

Once you’ve made it, all you need to do is cover your carpet space with it, leave for half an hour, and do your usual vacuuming routine. You can also use this for fabric sofas, cushions, pillows, and mattresses.

You can use essential oils or whatever fragrance you like, as long as it’s not a flammable fragrance. If you use this on fire retardant upholstery or carpets, with a flammable fragrance, you’re at risk of damaging that layer of protection, and also potentially setting fire to yourself if something gets too hot and burst into flames. 😱🔥

That’s yer lot. You can make this up each time you want to use it, or you can make it up in bulk for storage. It works nicely either way, just make sure it’s stored in an airtight, cool, and dry environment.

ADDENDUM:

THIS POST HAS BEEN UPDATED TO REMOVE THE USE OF ZOFLORA, AS IT HAS BEEN DEEMED UNSAFE TO USE IN THIS MANNER DUE TO ITS FLAMMABLE POTENTIAL IN ITS UNDILUTED STATE.