It is finally ready for release into the wilds.


This is the collection of soups I made during the month of November 2018, most likely at 3am in the morning during one of my mad kitchen experiments. It will cost you the princely sum of £4, and 50% of each sale will go to a children’s breakfast charity that helps provide breakfast to children who might not ordinarily get any. 

If you choose to buy this E-book collection, you will be helping schools give hungry children some breakfast, and you will also be supporting me, your sweary kitchen experiment weirdo, and I’m definitely not rich! The amount of children going to school with empty stomachs is staggering, our economic crisis means families are suffering poverty, and can barely afford to feed themselves. Please consider buying a copy, and it would also be lovely if you could share this too. BE AWARE THAT THIS BOOK DOES INDEED CONTAIN ADULT LANGUAGE AND PROFANITY, along with my very ridiculous sense of humour. You have been warned! 😉

I have made sure that the collection is accessible. It is available in standard .doc and .pdf formats, along with a format in large text for people who live with partial sight, or full blindness. I have also created a format suited to people with dyslexia, and a format with no images for people who need to use screen readers. You will receive ALL the formats with your purchase, so you can decide which format is best suited to you.

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Please make sure you include your email address when you purchase, so I can forward the collection to you. You will receive your copy via email within twenty-four hours of purchase. 


Mushroom Coriander & Lime Soup 🍄 🌿 🥣

You can use fresh or bottled ingredients for this, you work with what you’ve got. You can also substitute lime for lemon if you’d like.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 300g chopped mushrooms or equivalent in canned or frozen.
  • 2tblspns lime or lemon juice. You can also include the zest if you’re using fresh fruit.
  • 2tsp dried coriander, or equivalent.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp powdered garlic.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 2tsps cracked black pepper.
  • 2tblspns olive oil.
  • 1tblspn of Worcester sauce.

You can either either enjoy this soup blended or chunky. Everything can go in all at once into your slow cooker for around ninety minutes on auto. It also works well served over rice if you choose not to whizz the fuck out of it, or enjoyed from a large mug if you do.

If you want a creamier soup, add a can of coconut milk, or your desired equivalent.

Potato & Cheddar Cheese Soup 🥔 🧀 🥣

This is pure comfort food, cheese and carbs.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some spuds, or instant mash flakes. Use two large potatoes per person. I leave the skins on.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 750ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 1tsp English mustard.
  • 1.5 cups of medium to mature cheddar cheese.
  • 2tblspns of olive oil.
  • Optional: mixed herbs.

If you’re using instant mash this will take less time. If you’re using raw potatoes, you’ll need to cut them into small chunks, and shove them in your slow cooker with the stock first of all. I don’t feel you need to add salt to this recipe because the cheese will have plenty of salt in, as will the vegetable stock.

If you’re working with raw potatoes, add everything but the cheese and cook on auto for as long as they need to soften. If you want to keep the soup chunky, just add the cheese and allow to melt for a further half an hour. If you want a smoother soup, whizz the fuck out of the soup in a food processor before returning it to your slow cooker and adding the cheese.

If you choose to add herbs, add them with the vegetable stock, or you can sprinkle them on top of the soup when you serve it.

Lemon & Rice Soup 🍋 🍚 🥣

I am approaching the end of my November soup challenge. I did use previously posted soup recipes as part of the thirty days, but I will admit I have enjoyed creating mess in my kitchen and having soup at the end of it. Yesterday I used pasta, and today I’m using rice. Lemon is bloody lovely in savoury dishes, and this mishmash is inspired by asian cuisine, and I cannot wait to shove it in me gob.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 2cups of rice, doesn’t matter if it’s long grain or basmati, use whatever you have available.
  • 4tblspns of concentrated lemon juice.
  • 2tsp dried flaked chilli.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ground ginger.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 2tblspns olive oil.
  • 1ltr vegetable stock.
  • 1 can of coconut milk (400g).

If you have fresh lemons, you could grate and add the zest into the mix, but I don’t so I’m using concentrated stuff.

Add everything to your slow cooker aside from the coconut milk. Allow it to cook through until the rice is softened, it will take a couple of hours most likely on auto. Add the coconut milk, and allow to heat through for another half an hour. If you want a spicier soup, increase the amount of chilli you use, or add some other hot stuff of your choosing. It’ll produce a beautifully aromatic and spicy filling soup.

Minestrone Soup 🥕🥦🌽🥒🍅 🥣

The thing about minestrone is, there is no exact recipe aside from to use whatever vegetables you have to hand, some beans, and either rice or pasta. It’s a mishmash of what you have to play with in your kitchen.

I demolished this earlier.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some veg. I used two cups of frozen chopped mixed veg.
  • Beans. I used a can of baked beans but you can use whatever bean variant you wish.
  • Two cups of pasta or rice.
  • 1ltr vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 2tblspns of tomato purée.
  • 2tblspns of olive oil.

This is another dump-the-whole-lot-in-your-slow-cooker-and-switch-on-auto-for-a-couple-of-hours, affair. When it’s finished, you’ll have a bloody good hearty soup that’s very filling. You can serve it with bread if you like, but the pasta or rice content makes it way more substantial than normal soup.

Croutons! 🍞

You cannot have soup without croutons. Well, you CAN, but honestly they’re the dogs bollocks so you should have bloody croutons.

These are not my croutons. They are a stock image until I replace it with one of my own. I need to make them first!

Yes you can buy them easily enough, but if you have some ageing bread left that isn’t good for eating untoasted, then make some croutons. I like sesame croutons, but you can make garlic and herb ones or just plain olive oil ones.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some bread. Whatever you have left.
  • Some oil – sesame oil, olive oil, vegetable oil all work.
  • Sesame seeds or garlic powder & Italian herbs ferexample.
  • Yer oven.

Slice your bread down to your desired size. I like large croutons so mine tend to be more rectangular.

Combine your chosen oil with your flavour – so sesame oil mixed with sesame seeds and garlic powder for example. Or, olive oil combined with garlic and Italian herbs. You can use sea salt and black pepper, even add some balsamic vinegar into the mix. Just cover your bread chunks with it, and put on a baking sheet in the oven for about twenty minutes until they’re golden brown.

Serve with your favourite soup, or just scoff them as they are as a snack. They are also fabulous for chucking in a salad.

Cream of Tomato & Basil Soup 🍅 🥣

I found an unexpected jar of passata in my cupboard! I thought I had run out, but obviously not so HERE WE GO.


Shit you’ll need:

  • One jar/carton of passata, 680g (approx), or the equivalent in tinned chopped tomatoes whizzed up to fuck in a blender.
  • 75g basil purée or the equivalent in dried/fresh. You can also use basil pesto here. Half a 190g jar should do it.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 170g water.
  • 2tblspns of olive oil.
  • 200ml coconut milk, or your desired equivalent.

Doing its thing in me slow cooker..

Pour the passata into your slow cooker, and add all the ingredients except the coconut milk, or it’s equivalent. Stir well, and set it to auto for a couple of hours. Stir it every so often and when your kitchen smells fucking fantastic, stir the coconut milk through the soup, and serve immediately. Last time I made this, I’d made some croutons to go with it. NOM NOM FUCKING NOM.