Potato & Cheddar Cheese Soup 🥔 🧀 🥣

This is pure comfort food, cheese and carbs.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some spuds, or instant mash flakes. Use two large potatoes per person. I leave the skins on.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 750ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 1tsp English mustard.
  • 1.5 cups of medium to mature cheddar cheese.
  • 2tblspns of olive oil.
  • Optional: mixed herbs.

If you’re using instant mash this will take less time. If you’re using raw potatoes, you’ll need to cut them into small chunks, and shove them in your slow cooker with the stock first of all. I don’t feel you need to add salt to this recipe because the cheese will have plenty of salt in, as will the vegetable stock.

If you’re working with raw potatoes, add everything but the cheese and cook on auto for as long as they need to soften. If you want to keep the soup chunky, just add the cheese and allow to melt for a further half an hour. If you want a smoother soup, whizz the fuck out of the soup in a food processor before returning it to your slow cooker and adding the cheese.

If you choose to add herbs, add them with the vegetable stock, or you can sprinkle them on top of the soup when you serve it.

Red Lentil & Potato Soup 🥣 🥔

I finally got me paws on more red lentils! I’m using up the last of me fresh spuds, although it’s totally fine to make this with spuds in any medium be they canned, flaked, frozen, whatever.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some spuds. I used five medium sized ones, unpeeled.
  • An onion, chopped. Cheat and use frozen chopped ones like I do.
  • A cup of red lentils.
  • 750ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 1tsp thyme.
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 2tblspns of olive oil.
  • A can of coconut milk, 400ML.

If you pre soak your lentils the night before, it will save time, but it’s not essential as you can just add time to the slow cooker.

Chop your spuds into small pieces, unpeeled. Add them to the slow cooker, and pour over the vegetable stock. Add everything but the coconut milk to the pot, stirring until things have melted. Cook on auto for two hours until the lentils have softened, and your spuds have gone soft.

You can either add the coconut milk for a creamier texture at this point and leave it unblended, OR you can shove it all in your food processor and blend until it’s smooth.

Scoff the bloody lot with some bread, and collapse into a food coma at your earliest convenience.

Cream of Potato & Garlic Soup 🥔 🥣

I love this soup. It’s buttery, filling and garlic-y, and the kind of soup you eat with home baked bread rolls loaded with butter.


Shit you’ll need:

  • Potatoes, obviously. I used five large ones and I DIDN’T PEEL THEM. Give them a good scrub first though. You can also forgo any peeling or boiling and use instant mash for this.
  • 60g butter, with extra for those who want MOAR.
  • 4 cloves of garlic or powder/purée equivalent.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 150ML cream or equivalent.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • A chopped onion.

Chop and fry your onion along with the garlic, salt, pepper, and butter. Whilst you’re faffing about with that, chop your potatoes to size and boil until they’re softened. If you’re using instant mash, you don’t need to do that part.

When the spuds are soft, transfer them to your slow cooker, with the vegetable stock and the contents of the frying pan. Mash them together, and let them do their thing on auto setting for an hour. If you want to add more butter because you don’t value your arteries, then go ahead, it depends on your tastes of course.

After the hour is done, use a hand blender to make it super smooth if it hasn’t done that itself already. Add the cream, and stir the fuck out of it. Serve with warm crusty bread and butter.

Don’t plan on moving after, this will put you into a food coma if you eat a lot with bread.

No Peel Leek & Potato Soup 🥔 🥣

This is no peel because you can absolutely cheat and use instant mash if you want to. Instant mash is just dehydrated flaked potato, and is very helpful if you can’t peel things and want mash. In this case it’s perfect for making soup.


Shit you’ll need:

  • Two fresh leeks, chopped.
  • One packet of instant mash – Smash comes in 176g packets.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 50g butter.
  • 400ML can of coconut milk.

Add the instant mash, salt, pepper, and vegetable stock to a slow cooker. Stir until it thickens, and add the butter and leeks. Let it simmer its arse off in the slow cooker for an hour on auto. You’re looking to get it to the point where the leeks soften and separate their layers. Once you’ve reached that point, add the coconut milk, and let it cook for another hour on low.

If you want to be extra piggy, add a massive dollop of creme fraîche to your bowls when you serve it up. This should absolutely be served with crusty bread rolls that crumble into the soup, or you know, get lost down yer boobs like it does with me.

Photos forthcoming, this week has been awful and I’m trying to catch up on soup recipes for you.

Broccoli, potato & Stilton soup 🥣

This soup is the reason I don’t have an awful lot of room in my freezer right now. I *accidentally made an alarming amount of it, and now it’s EVERYWHERE.


This is very indulgent, but you could make it less so and more healthy if you tweaked the ingredients a bit. I didn’t want to do that, obviously. This recipe makes a very large pan of soup, I have no idea how many litres because I’m clearly a savage who doesn’t know what size my own pans are. Sorry.


  • Three large spuds, UNPEELED. DO NOT PEEL THEM. STOP IT.
  • Two large heads of broccoli OR the equivalent of frozen florets.
  • 150g of Stilton cheese.
  • A bunch of scallions OR one large onion, chopped. My last bunch of scallions contained seven shoots or whatever they’re called.
  • 1dstspn of cracked black pepper, heaped.
  • 1dstspn of garlic purée or equivalent. Fresh garlic or garlic granules are fine, obviously.
  • Salt – to your own taste. Remember Stilton has a decent amount of flavour already.
  • 1ltr of boiling water.
  • 300ml of milk OR single cream depending on how indulgent you want to be.
  • 1tsp corn flour, heaped.
  • 1 squodge of olive oil, or your personal choice of oil for frying.

Chop your unpeeled spuds into chunks, and drop into your litre of boiling water. Let them boil their arses off until they’re soft. Whilst they’re partying in the water (ignore any shrieking), put your garlic, scallions/onions, salt, and black pepper in a shallow pan of your choice, and fry up with your squodge of olive oil. Yes that’s a technical term. I actually put my olive oil in a spray bottle for using whilst frying, because bollocks to paying extra for fancy aerosol oil. Three decent sprays equals ONE SQUODGE. Stir slowly over a medium heat until the onions are just beginning to brown, and then take off the heat. Put to one side.

Mash the softened spuds in the water, and add your broccoli. If you used frozen broccoli, let the mixture heat up again before adding the rest of your ingredients.

Stir the oiled onion/garlic/salt and pepper in with the potatoes and broccoli. Keep stirring it until everything is melted together nicely. Allow to simmer until the broccoli starts to soften and break down. Your potato and their skins should have fallen apart by now, which is exactly what you want. It’s entirely up to you, but at this point you can add your teaspoon of corn flour to a small amount of milk or cold water, and throw into the pan to help things thicken nicely.

When your broccoli has reached optimum squish point (another technical term), mash the contents of the pan a bit more. The skins from the potato and the black pepper should give it a lovely pale colour. This is when grab your Stilton wedge, and crumble it into the pan a bit at a time. Allow to melt for a minute or two.

Pour and stir in your milk or cream. This part is totally optional if you don’t want a heavy creamy soup, but I always do, so in it goes.

I can’t always stand with the soup for the time I like it to simmer for (stupid joint/back fuckery), so I tend to put my oven on before I start the whole process, and then shove my pan in there for an hour on a low heat, so I can sit down and recharge. If you CAN stand with it, it’ll only need about half an hour on a medium heat before it’s ready to slurp in yer gob. Either choice means it thickens up nicely and your kitchen will smell fucking fantastic.

When it’s ready, serve with a bread of your choice, or just drink it from the bowl like a heathen. Obviously you can tweak the recipe for different quantities, but you will have plenty of soup using these measurements for days when you aren’t able, or don’t want to cook. I always have a stock of soups in my freezer for when my pain levels are hideous and I can’t stand for long.

*not so much accidentally.