Chocolate Protein Balls 🍫

They are very nice and I know that because I have just shoved two of them in me gob. They are much nicer and cheaper to make than the tiny squares of pre made protein bars you find in supermarkets that are about a square inch in total. Fucking robbing gits.

Yes the balls are touching and I put them like that on purpose because I’m mentally twelve years old.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 250g pitted dates.
  • 15g chia seeds.
  • 3tblspns crunchy peanut butter.
  • 100g chocolate drops.
  • 1tsp vanilla essence.
  • 1tblspn cocoa.

Put your dates in a blender. Whizz the fuck out of them for a bit, and then add your peanut butter. Add the rest of your ingredients, stopping the blender to give it all a good squish about so you don’t get uneven lumps of ingredients in one area.

When it’s all combined to a stiff mixture, scoop it out and roll into balls using your hands. Shove in the fridge for a couple of hours before you scoff them. Don’t eat them all at once though otherwise you might be sick. Yields about eight depending on how big you like your balls.

Peanut Soup 🥜🥣

This also doubles as a sauce, and reminds me heavily of satay sauce in that medium.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 1 cup of peanut butter.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1dstspn flaked chilli.
  • 1tsp powdered ginger.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.
  • 1dstspn of honey.
  • 1 cup of polenta.
  • 1/2 a cup of tomato purée.
  • A chopped onion.
  • A can of coconut milk 400ML.

You don’t need to add extra oil as your peanut butter will have enough in it already. Turn your slow cooker up to high, and combine the peanut butter with tomato purée in the bottom of your slow cooker until it heats up and starts to melt together. Add the honey and do the same thing. Pour the stock in, and stir slowly. There might be lumps that float around initially, but they will melt. Add the chopped onion, seasoning and spices, and turn the slow cooker down to auto for an hour.

After an hour, add the cup of polenta, and keep stirring it until the soup thickens up. Polenta is bloody brilliant for thickening up soups, and it’s versatile as fuck for other stuff. When that has melted in, pour on the coconut milk, and let the soup sit on low for another hour.

Enjoy as soup, or use it as a sauce for skewer foods, to pour over rice, or a sauce in a wok/skillet/variation thereof with chicken or a veggiesaurus equivalent.