Lemon & Rice Soup 🍋 🍚 🥣

I am approaching the end of my November soup challenge. I did use previously posted soup recipes as part of the thirty days, but I will admit I have enjoyed creating mess in my kitchen and having soup at the end of it. Yesterday I used pasta, and today I’m using rice. Lemon is bloody lovely in savoury dishes, and this mishmash is inspired by asian cuisine, and I cannot wait to shove it in me gob.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 2cups of rice, doesn’t matter if it’s long grain or basmati, use whatever you have available.
  • 4tblspns of concentrated lemon juice.
  • 2tsp dried flaked chilli.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ground ginger.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 2tblspns olive oil.
  • 1ltr vegetable stock.
  • 1 can of coconut milk (400g).

If you have fresh lemons, you could grate and add the zest into the mix, but I don’t so I’m using concentrated stuff.

Add everything to your slow cooker aside from the coconut milk. Allow it to cook through until the rice is softened, it will take a couple of hours most likely on auto. Add the coconut milk, and allow to heat through for another half an hour. If you want a spicier soup, increase the amount of chilli you use, or add some other hot stuff of your choosing. It’ll produce a beautifully aromatic and spicy filling soup.

Parsnip Soup 🥣

I fucking love roasted parsnips. This means I am using leftover ones to create this wonderful concoction. I have never made parsnip soup without first roasting them, so I erm….ROAST THEM FIRST! Or not, it’s up to you, it’s just I think they will taste nicer.

Previously well roasted parsnips.. 🤤

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some parsnips, obviously. I used a bag of Waitrose a little less than perfect brand, £1 for a 1kg. I love their a little less than perfect range, you can lots of fresh veg for waaaay less. I’m getting less and less able to chop stuff though 😦
  • Olive oil or butter.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp powdered garlic or equivalent.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ginger.
  • 1tsp flaked chilli.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 400ML of coconut milk.

Chop up your leftover roast parsnips into small pieces, and dump them in yer slow cooker. Add the rest of the ingredients except the coconut milk, and let them simmer their arses off in your slow cooker for a couple of hours on auto. Your kitchen will smell fucking amazing for the duration.

After those couple of hours have passed, pour the contents into a food processor, and whizz the fuck out of it whilst slowly adding the coconut milk. Serve with crusty bread, or just do what I did and drink it straight from a bowl like some manner of heathen. 😎

Peanut Soup 🥜🥣

This also doubles as a sauce, and reminds me heavily of satay sauce in that medium.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 1 cup of peanut butter.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 1dstspn flaked chilli.
  • 1tsp powdered ginger.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.
  • 1dstspn of honey.
  • 1 cup of polenta.
  • 1/2 a cup of tomato purée.
  • A chopped onion.
  • A can of coconut milk 400ML.

You don’t need to add extra oil as your peanut butter will have enough in it already. Turn your slow cooker up to high, and combine the peanut butter with tomato purée in the bottom of your slow cooker until it heats up and starts to melt together. Add the honey and do the same thing. Pour the stock in, and stir slowly. There might be lumps that float around initially, but they will melt. Add the chopped onion, seasoning and spices, and turn the slow cooker down to auto for an hour.

After an hour, add the cup of polenta, and keep stirring it until the soup thickens up. Polenta is bloody brilliant for thickening up soups, and it’s versatile as fuck for other stuff. When that has melted in, pour on the coconut milk, and let the soup sit on low for another hour.

Enjoy as soup, or use it as a sauce for skewer foods, to pour over rice, or a sauce in a wok/skillet/variation thereof with chicken or a veggiesaurus equivalent.

Apple & Jalapeño Broth 🍎 🌶

I have an abundance of apples at the moment, and a jar of jalapeños. I also have a horrible plague growing inside me, so this is going to be my MAGIC FUCKING POTION.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Some apples. They’re kind of important. I used four.
  • Chopped jalapeños – admittedly mine came in a glass jar pre chopped. I used about a quarter of a jar which is roughly 106g. If you don’t have any you can use dried flaked chillis instead, or some Tabasco sauce.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp thyme.
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 1tsp garlic.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 2tblspns olive oil.

This is designed to bite you in the arse. If you are an absolute masochist, add hotter peppers, but I won’t be doing that because I value my tastebuds.

NO PEELING THE APPLES, unless they’re cooking apples and then you should. Mine aren’t though so I didn’t. Chop them into chunks, and then dump them in your slow cooker along with everything else for a couple of hours on auto.

You sip this from a large mug or bowl. Don’t forget to wash your hands after handling the jalapeños, because if you rub your eyes or any other delicate parts, you’re going to feel like a twat when it smarts a bit.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Lentil & Butter Bean Soup 🥣

I have an alarming amount of butter beans in my flat. I don’t mean just lounging around, or free range, they’re just hanging out in my cupboards. I have one can of them left, but most of my reserves are in dry format, they’re just sitting there in plastic film.

Anyway I digress.

You may wish to tweak the amount of chilli and pepper you use in this as it’s got a bit of a kick to it.

Before I added the stock, obviously…

Shit you’ll need:

  • A can of butter beans (400g approx). If you’re using dried ones, they will need to pre soak.
  • 1 cup of lentils. I am using green ones because I don’t have any red ones.
  • A can of coconut milk, 400g.
  • 1tsp flaked chilli.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp turmeric.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 500ML vegetable stock.
  • 2tblspns olive oil.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.

This is an easy one again. I mean, most of my soups are easy to be fair, but when all you have to do is dump all the stuff in a slow cooker and let it do its thing, that means it’s really fucking easy mate.

So please do exactly that. Now, because you need to let your lentils cook through properly, it’s going to need a couple of hours on auto. Keep your eye on it every half an hour just to make sure nothing sticks, and to stir it a bit. Never neglect your soup, it will be unhappy and we can’t have that.

It can also be served over rice too. That’s what I did the first time I made this.

Beetroot & Tomato 🍅 Soup 🥣

I will say right off the bat that I’m not a huge fan of beetroot, but I’m trying to make different things, and experiment. This creates a glossy and zingy soup that you don’t want to spill on anything white.

Initial shoving stuff in the slow cooker stage.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Passata (mine was a 680g bottle from Ocado).
  • 250ML boiling water.
  • 175g of sliced beetroot.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1tblspn Worcester sauce.
  • 1tsp flaked chilli.
  • 1tblspn olive oil.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tsp cayenne pepper.
  • 1tsp paprika.
  • 1tsp garlic powder or equivalent.
  • A can of coconut milk, 400g.

I’m not keen on lumps in my cooked tomato, hence why I use passata. Lumpy warm tomato is fucking horrid . 🤮

There is enough fluid in the passata to reduce the amount of water you need for this soup. Add all the ingredients to the slow cooker, aside from the coconut milk. After you’ve made sure everything has melted, turn it to auto for an hour.

After an hour, add the coconut milk and leave on low for another hour. The soup will turn a beautiful incarnadine colour that you DEFINITELY don’t want to get on yer best light clothes. I realise I mentioned that already further up. Tough shit. You can’t say you weren’t warned. 😛

GLOSSY VELVET INCARNADINE.

I haven’t decided what I’m going to eat this one with yet.

Sweet Potato & Butternut Squash Soup 🥣 🍠

This will take a while to get to soup consistency because butternut squash is a hardass bastard when it wants to be.

Hacking sweet potatoes and butternut squash to bits can be a strain on your hands if you have hands like mine, but knock yourself out if you want to. I got pre chopped stuff this time because I am being a complete clusterfuck and dropping things more than usual this week.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 2 bags of chopped butternut squash & sweet potato (mine were Ocado brand 350g each).
  • 500ML boiling water.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ginger.
  • 1tsp cinnamon.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1dstspn flaked chilli.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tblspn of olive oil.
  • A can of coconut milk 400g.

ORANGEY GOODNESS BUT NO ACTUAL ORANGES

Dump the butternut and sweet potato into your slow cooker. Add the seasoning and oil to the boiling water, and stir until melted. Pour into the slow cooker, and leave the contents to cook its bright orange arses off for a couple of hours, on auto.

After a couple of hours, stab a fork into the cubes to see if it’s soft enough to mash up. If it is, you can either do this with a masher, or if you want to be a flash bastard – use a hand blender. Once you’ve mashed it to buggery, add your can of coconut milk, and allow to heat through on low for another forty-five minutes.

Yes I am aware it’s a terrible flash photo.

Serve with whatever the hell you’d like, I’d probably go for garlic and coriander naan bread.

Spiced Almond and Prune Soup 🥣

This is another one I’ve never done before. I had half a bag of prunes in the fridge and decided to experiment.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 250g pitted prunes.
  • 1 cup of ground almonds.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1tsp turmeric.
  • 1dstspn dried crushed chilli.
  • 1tsp basil.
  • 1tsp oregano.
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 1tsp cayenne.
  • 1tsp paprika.
  • 1dstspn garlic powder.
  • 1tblspn olive oil.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1 chopped onion.
  • 1 400ML can of coconut milk.
  • 500ML hot water.

This recipe produces quite a thick soup, which could also double as a sauce for cooking chicken or the like, to serve with rice. I kept some in tubs to store in my freezer for exactly that purpose, although it’s more likely to be quorn, or paneer in my case.

I fucking love almonds. I haven’t used them in soup before, but I felt–fuck it– now is as good a time as any. Adding almonds along with prunes is what will thicken this soup up, so you will need lots of liquid, depending on how thick you like it. It’s worth noting that it would work very well to store as condensed soup like Campbell’s, so you can add water or milk after to get it to the desired consistency.

Cut your prunes up so they look like this

THEY ARE NOT DEAD BEETLES

Then chuck em in your slow cooker. Sprinkle all the dry ingredients on top, and mash together appropriately. Pour over the coconut milk, mix some more, and then add half the hot water, setting aside the rest. Stir a bit, and set your slow cooker to auto for an hour.

After an hour, check the consistency and add the rest of the water. If you want to use this as sauce, or keep it as concentrated soup to freeze, you might want to leave it as it is. You can also add more coconut milk (or equivalent) instead of the water for a creamier texture. I love using oat milk a lot.

I added more liquid and set it to cook on low for another hour and a half. It is bloody lovely, and tastes even better with naan bread dipped in it.

Zingy Black Bean & Garlic Casserole/Soup 🥣

Not unlike my mushroom and chickpea soup, this does not start out as a soup. I make a large amount of this in bean casserole form, and then I pulverise half of it in me food processor.

Finally uploaded the photo!

Shit you’ll need parte the firste:

  • One cup of black beans.
  • One cup of black eyed beans.
  • A slow cooker.

Add both cups of beans to a bowl, full and cover with cold water to soak overnight. If you don’t have time for this part, can’t be arsed, or simply don’t want to fuck about pre soaking beans, you can cheat and use canned beans.

Either way, when your beans have finished soaking their arses off, or when you have opened the cans, drain and rinse them thoroughly in cold water, and dump them in your slow cooker.

Shit you’ll need parte the seconde:

  • 500ML hot water.
  • Two vegetable stock cubes.
  • One tsp dried basil.
  • One tsp dried rosemary.
  • One tsp dried oregano.
  • One tsp salt.
  • One dstspn of cracked black pepper.
  • One large chopped onion.
  • One tblspn of garlic powder, or equivalent.
  • One dstspn of Chilli flakes.
  • Two tblspns of nutritional yeast.
  • 150g of coconut milk powder or equivalent.
  • One tblspn of Worcester sauce.
  • One tblspn of lime or lemon juice.
  • One tblspn of sesame oil.

Yes I realise that’s a peculiar list of ingredients, BUT IT WILL BE BURSTING WITH BLOODY FLAVOUR TRUST ME.

Dump alllllll the dry ingredients on top of the beans, and combine until it looks a bit of a mess. Add the wet ingredients and water, and stir until stuff has melted in. Set your slow cooker to auto for an hour, and leave it alone to go and watch something terrible on telly like Jeremy Kyle. I personally favour Judge Rinder. It’s not terrible, IT’S BRILLIANT.

After the hour is up, go and prod the mixture, and do a taste test which will leave yer gob all tingly in the right way. Leave it to simmer for another hour on a low setting.

In casserole form, I serve it with rice, or I hack a crusty bread loaf to bits to dip in it.

To make it into soup, all you have to do is blend the fuck out of it in a food processor, and transfer back into the slow cooker to reheat. This soup is wonderfully tasty, and will keep you lovely and warm. I tend to eat an absurd amount of bread with it, to the point where I am a bloated bread monster with fuck all shame about it.

Spicy black bean nachos

  • Lightly salted tortilla chips.
  • One can of black beans, drained and rinsed.
  • One can of sweet corn.
  • One jar of tomato passata (mine was 680g).
  • One cup of chopped onions.
  • Crushed chilli to taste.
  • Salt and pepper to taste.
  • 250g grated cheese of your choice.
  • Sour cream to finish.

It is currently too fucking hot in the United Kingdom. We are SHIT at summer. Our infrastructure cannot cope – it is actively melting in parts of the country, train lines warping in the heat with signal failures causing massive train delays, especially in London where I hear the underground is like walking into a furnace. One poor bastard got his LEG STUCK IN TARMAC, amongst various grass fires dotted about the country, along with a veritable smorgasbord of stupid sunburnt racist gammons who are currently over celebrating the World Cup. 🙄

We Britons traditionally only get about three days of summer at a time, over several periods during June to September. We may get three or four of these periods, before we miss autumn entirely, and descend straight into the dark and wonderful winters I am currently missing so fucking much because I fucking hate summer. I am photosensitive, and my relationship with bright lights and hot weather is not one of love. This makes summer even more shit for me, and since we have been experiencing an ACTUAL SUMMER, the entire country has collectively shit itself because we do not know what to do with it.

I currently have a visitor with me – who like me loathes the burny thing in the sky. Prior to her visit, we had expected this warm period to have finished by now BUT NO. It bloody isn’t. It’s still going. These nachos were the closest I was getting to cooking because I was in no way going to stand in front of a hot stove and sweat my body weight off in half an hour. Thank fuck for my slow cooker!

I chucked the passata, onions, salt, pepper, crushed chilli, sweet corn, and black beans into the pot, stirred it up to fuck and left it to cook itself into oblivion slowly for about an hour. Like I said, fuck standing in front of a hot stove when my slow cooker can do the work for me. I dumped the bag of tortilla chips in a deep Pyrex dish, sprinkling some of the cheese through them. Once the slow cooker had worked it’s magic, I poured the contents over the chips, and covered the top with the remaining cheese, shoved it in the oven, and let it bake its arse off for twenty minutes.

After twenty minutes, I put two generous portions on top of mixed bagged salad that you bet I absolutely cheated with because I have sod all energy, and finished off with a healthy blob of sour cream. I amazingly managed to scoff my portion WITHOUT dropping any down my front, so I was quite proud of myself on all counts really.