Sweet Potato & Butternut Squash Soup 🥣 🍠

This will take a while to get to soup consistency because butternut squash is a hardass bastard when it wants to be.

Hacking sweet potatoes and butternut squash to bits can be a strain on your hands if you have hands like mine, but knock yourself out if you want to. I got pre chopped stuff this time because I am being a complete clusterfuck and dropping things more than usual this week.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 2 bags of chopped butternut squash & sweet potato (mine were Ocado brand 350g each).
  • 500ML boiling water.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ginger.
  • 1tsp cinnamon.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1dstspn flaked chilli.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tblspn of olive oil.
  • A can of coconut milk 400g.


Dump the butternut and sweet potato into your slow cooker. Add the seasoning and oil to the boiling water, and stir until melted. Pour into the slow cooker, and leave the contents to cook its bright orange arses off for a couple of hours, on auto.

After a couple of hours, stab a fork into the cubes to see if it’s soft enough to mash up. If it is, you can either do this with a masher, or if you want to be a flash bastard – use a hand blender. Once you’ve mashed it to buggery, add your can of coconut milk, and allow to heat through on low for another forty-five minutes.

Yes I am aware it’s a terrible flash photo.

Serve with whatever the hell you’d like, I’d probably go for garlic and coriander naan bread.

Roasted butternut squash

This is piss easy, apart from the bit where you have to slice the fucker in half.


  • One fresh butternut squash.
  • Coarse sea salt.
  • Cracked black pepper.
  • Olive oil.
  • Grated cheese – you decide the strength, and how much you want.

Preheat your oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas Mark 4.

Grab a massive knife, and slice the squash lengthways down the middle. Since this can be a bit of a pain in the tits, place a folded tea-towel over the top of the knife blade when you’re pressing down to slice. Do the same with the handle if you’re concerned about your grip.

Scoop out the seeds, and discard unless you’re planning on using them for something else. Score the flesh of your squash with your knife, and smear it generously with your oil, including the skin. Do this for both halves, obviously.

Sprinkle both halves with salt and pepper, and grease the inside of a baking dish with more oil. Lay the two halves skin-down in your dish, and roast in the oven for an hour, or until you can sink a knife into the flesh without even trying. Yes, I like saying the word flesh. FLESH. Flesh.

When the two halves are ready, you can either leave the halves intact, and add the cheese on top, to scoop out as you go along, OR you can scoop the lot out, add a little more oil and top with cheese in a bowl like so:

Butternut glory

The skins are fucking wonderful by the way, chewy and flavourful. Scoff the lot, and then lay there bloated like some manner of squash powered warthog.