Banana bread

Look, I know it’s shaped like a fucking loaf, but it’s not actually bread. It’s a bloody cake. It’s an incredibly moist and wonderful cake that I love, even though I don’t particularly like eating bananas in their natural form. I’m weird.

See? Cake.


  • 4 incredibly ripe bananas, 5 if they’re small.
  • 2 eggs.
  • 1tsp vanilla extract.
  • 285g/10oz plain flour.
  • 225g/8oz caster sugar.
  • 1/2tsp salt.
  • 110g/4oz butter or equivalent.
  • 1tsp bicarbonate of soda.

This will yield a 2lb loaf of banana-ry fucking goodness.

Pre-heat your oven to 180°C/350°F/Gas Mark 4.

Cream your butter or its equivalent with your sugar in a bowl, until it’s nice and fluffy. Shove to one side and throw your flour, bicarbonate, and salt into another bowl, via a sieve. No lumps allowed.

Peel (discard the skins you muppet) and mash your bananas into the butter/sugar mix, you can use a fork as they should be incredibly soft. Add your eggs and vanilla extract, and mix thoroughly, preferably with an electric hand whisk until it’s nice and smooth. Try not to eat it at this point, yes it’s nice but stop it.

Fold in your flour/salt/bicarbonate combo, and mix well. Transfer into a lined loaf tin, and shove in the middle of your oven for an hour. As stated in a previous recipe, resist the urge to open the oven door and check progress, because you’ll fuck it up.

Nobody wants a loaf cake that looks like it’s been sat on.

After the hour is up, take it out of your oven, and let it sit for a bit to cool off. Drape a clean tea-towel over the top of it to retain moisture, and try not to shove it all in your mouth at once after it’s dropped to a low enough temperature.