Zingy Black Bean & Garlic Casserole/Soup 🥣

Not unlike my mushroom and chickpea soup, this does not start out as a soup. I make a large amount of this in bean casserole form, and then I pulverise half of it in me food processor.

Finally uploaded the photo!

Shit you’ll need parte the firste:

  • One cup of black beans.
  • One cup of black eyed beans.
  • A slow cooker.

Add both cups of beans to a bowl, full and cover with cold water to soak overnight. If you don’t have time for this part, can’t be arsed, or simply don’t want to fuck about pre soaking beans, you can cheat and use canned beans.

Either way, when your beans have finished soaking their arses off, or when you have opened the cans, drain and rinse them thoroughly in cold water, and dump them in your slow cooker.

Shit you’ll need parte the seconde:

  • 500ML hot water.
  • Two vegetable stock cubes.
  • One tsp dried basil.
  • One tsp dried rosemary.
  • One tsp dried oregano.
  • One tsp salt.
  • One dstspn of cracked black pepper.
  • One large chopped onion.
  • One tblspn of garlic powder, or equivalent.
  • One dstspn of Chilli flakes.
  • Two tblspns of nutritional yeast.
  • 150g of coconut milk powder or equivalent.
  • One tblspn of Worcester sauce.
  • One tblspn of lime or lemon juice.
  • One tblspn of sesame oil.

Yes I realise that’s a peculiar list of ingredients, BUT IT WILL BE BURSTING WITH BLOODY FLAVOUR TRUST ME.

Dump alllllll the dry ingredients on top of the beans, and combine until it looks a bit of a mess. Add the wet ingredients and water, and stir until stuff has melted in. Set your slow cooker to auto for an hour, and leave it alone to go and watch something terrible on telly like Jeremy Kyle. I personally favour Judge Rinder. It’s not terrible, IT’S BRILLIANT.

After the hour is up, go and prod the mixture, and do a taste test which will leave yer gob all tingly in the right way. Leave it to simmer for another hour on a low setting.

In casserole form, I serve it with rice, or I hack a crusty bread loaf to bits to dip in it.

To make it into soup, all you have to do is blend the fuck out of it in a food processor, and transfer back into the slow cooker to reheat. This soup is wonderfully tasty, and will keep you lovely and warm. I tend to eat an absurd amount of bread with it, to the point where I am a bloated bread monster with fuck all shame about it.

Do It Your Fucking Self Furniture Polish 😎

Silicone furniture polish can really bugger things up. Over time, it leaves a hazy build up on your stuff, and they will end up looking dull and lifeless. Yes I realise lifeless is a bit of a stupid way to describe an inanimate object, but I’m a bit bloody tired right now. 😛

OBSERVE:

I also realise I’ve been a bit lazy and transplanted screenshots from other social media here, but that’s because sometimes too many words are not necessary, and yet, here I sit typing too many words. 🙄

DIY Scouring Cream Cleaner 💦

The best thing about this, is you can use it anywhere in the house.

I’ve tried and tested this many times, and it always leaves stuff shiny as fuck and squeaky clean. It only takes two ingredients, but you can add extra essential oils if you wanna.

Shit you’ll need:

  • One clean SQUEEZY bottle, empty shampoo bottles are great for this (RECYCLE YOU WASTEFUL SHITBAGS!)
  • 1.5 cups of bicarbonate of soda.
  • 3/4 cup of your chosen washing up liquid.
  • A mixing bowl.
  • Some manner of spatula/spoon/whatever for mixing.

If you use washing up liquid that contains tea tree oil and/or eucalyptus, it will already be anti-bacterial by default.

Shove the bicarb in the centre of your bowl, and make a well in it. Slowly drizzle your washing up liquid into the aforementioned well, and combine it until you get a consistency that you’d be able to squeeze from your chosen bottle. If you find it’s too thick, add more washing up liquid. If you are using a plain liquid that doesn’t have any anti-bacterial properties, now would be a good time to add some essential oils if you wish. Ten drops of eucalyptus, tea tree, or grapefruit oils will work well. If you consult your local and hopefully friendly search engine, you will discover a list of oils that are helpful in this regard.

Other scent combinations that are lovely but not anti-bacterial, are lime and mint, or orange and lavender. You can experiment of course, just don’t add too much oil or you’ll make yer eyes water when yer cleaning. Once you’ve got your SQUEEZY WONDER, transfer it into your bottle using a funnel. A little bit of this goes a long way too, so not only is it cheap to make, but it’ll keep you going. My bathroom and kitchen have both been cleaned with this combo, and they were super shiny and squeaky clean. Cream cleaners are always bloody useful to have around. Most of them are cheap enough to buy now, but if you can’t get out to the shops or just don’t want to, you can make this and it’s just as effective and likely better for the environment.

DIY Cloth Pads Budget Style

This is the olllllllld way of doing it. For people who want to use cloth pads each month but can’t afford to buy enough of them to last through their cycles, this is a non glamorous (not that there’s owt glamorous about yer bits being a blood geyser every month) way of mopping up the mess.

I have made and used these myself. I definitely approve of cloth methods, but even though they’re re-usable, I find a lot of the other cloth ones for sale out there are really pricy. People should absolutely be paid for their labour, but sometimes I think some folks are taking the piss. It’s almost like cloth pads are for fancy well off hippies and nobody else.

Get yourself a stack of cotton towelling facecloths. I scoped out eBay and Amazon earlier, and found several listings of twelve cloths for under a tenner. You can also get dirt cheap ones in supermarkets from whatever their basic brand is called.

That’s just a screenshot of an example for ye. Before you use them, and because you don’t know where the cloths have been sitting warehouse wise, it’s best to put them through a 90° wash first. Adding a cup of white vinegar to the washer drawer is also a good idea too.

Now – see the way that one cloth is folded on top? Fold them all like that, so they’re at least shaped like cloth pads. If you are a lucky bastard, you will have a sewing machine and this will take considerably less time. If not, then sorry mate but it’s going to take a little bit of patience. Sew the ends closed, and down the middle where the folds meet. Do this with the rest of your facecloths, and you’ve got a pile of very basic, but incredibly effective cloth pads. If you want to add something to them to secure to your underwear, you can get creative with a few pairs of flat cotton shoelaces. Sew them along each end, and you’ll have something to tie around yer gusset, but then you’ll also have dangly bits! However if you’re a member of the tampon crew, you’ll be used to having dangly bits.

This is how they used to make them before we had disposable sanitary stuff. Me Mum used to tell me she wondered what HER Mum was doing sewing cloths in the same way, until she got her first period and it all became apparent. You treat them as you would towelling nappies; pre soak in a pail (if necessary) and then put through the hottest wash. They’re easy to make and cheap, better for the environment, and much kinder to your purse than expensive cloth pads, and definitely better than disposable ones.

It’s also worth noting that food banks really need sanitary products for people who menstruate, so making a pile of these to donate to food banks to give to someone who might need them (provided they have access to laundry facilities of course), would be helpful.

I, like a lot of other people, end up in so much pain each month that it’s not always possible to use internal methods of mopping this horror up, so these work for me.

Mushroom and chickpea soup 🍄 🥣

This soup didn’t actually start off as soup. I’d thrown a ton of stuff in my slow cooker the night before, and after realising how good it tasted I thought I’d turn the rest into the aforementioned soup.

It’s cooled right down after that fucking horrible heatwave, so now I can use my slow cooker to create soup experiments to my heart’s content.

Shit you’ll need:

  • A punnet of mushrooms, sliced (300g).
  • A can of chickpeas (400g).
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 1tsp basil purée or dried basil.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1 vegetable stock cube.
  • 2tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 2tblspns pesto.
  • 1tblsp lime juice.
  • 1tsp garlic purée or powdered garlic.
  • 1tblsp mushroom ketchup.
  • 100g of butter, or equivalent.
  • 1 pint of water.

All you do – is dump the lot into a slow cooker, give it a stir, and let it do its thing on the ‘auto’ setting for a couple of hours. Now, before putting the leftovers of this into the blender for soup, I had the first half with some steamed rice. I don’t have a photo of that, because I was HANGRY, and I was too busy shoving it in me gob. Here’s what it looked like after I whizzed the fuck out of in my blender for two minutes:

Whizzed.

Yes I KNOW it LOOKS like explosive baby poo, but it tastes bloody fantastic I promise you. I put it back in the slow cooker and let it heat up for an hour.

I also roasted some chopped vegetables sprayed with olive oil in the oven to go with it, so here is my obligatory fancy photo with the veg:

FANCY.

You can serve it with whatever you like obviously.