Sweet Corn & Onion Broth 🌽

Non veggiesaurus folks could add chicken or crabmeat to this if they wanted to, I’m not going to do that obviously. 😛

There IS sweetcorn in there, honest guv’nor.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Two large chopped onions.
  • 500ML boiling water.
  • A large can of sweetcorn (mine was 326g).
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tblspn of olive oil.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tsp Knorr Aromat seasoning.
  • 1tsp thyme.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.

Everything goes in the slow cooker all at once, on a low heat for two hours. This is made to be sipped carefully from large mugs, or a deep bowl wrapped in a tea towel, and held in your hands.

Don’t spill it down yer front like a twat though. It burns. Trust me on that. 🥴

If you decide to add meat, make sure you cook it through properly before you add it to the broth.

Beetroot & Tomato 🍅 Soup 🥣

I will say right off the bat that I’m not a huge fan of beetroot, but I’m trying to make different things, and experiment. This creates a glossy and zingy soup that you don’t want to spill on anything white.

Initial shoving stuff in the slow cooker stage.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Passata (mine was a 680g bottle from Ocado).
  • 250ML boiling water.
  • 175g of sliced beetroot.
  • A chopped onion.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1tblspn Worcester sauce.
  • 1tsp flaked chilli.
  • 1tblspn olive oil.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tsp cayenne pepper.
  • 1tsp paprika.
  • 1tsp garlic powder or equivalent.
  • A can of coconut milk, 400g.

I’m not keen on lumps in my cooked tomato, hence why I use passata. Lumpy warm tomato is fucking horrid . 🤮

There is enough fluid in the passata to reduce the amount of water you need for this soup. Add all the ingredients to the slow cooker, aside from the coconut milk. After you’ve made sure everything has melted, turn it to auto for an hour.

After an hour, add the coconut milk and leave on low for another hour. The soup will turn a beautiful incarnadine colour that you DEFINITELY don’t want to get on yer best light clothes. I realise I mentioned that already further up. Tough shit. You can’t say you weren’t warned. 😛

GLOSSY VELVET INCARNADINE.

I haven’t decided what I’m going to eat this one with yet.

Sweet Potato & Butternut Squash Soup 🥣 🍠

This will take a while to get to soup consistency because butternut squash is a hardass bastard when it wants to be.

Hacking sweet potatoes and butternut squash to bits can be a strain on your hands if you have hands like mine, but knock yourself out if you want to. I got pre chopped stuff this time because I am being a complete clusterfuck and dropping things more than usual this week.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 2 bags of chopped butternut squash & sweet potato (mine were Ocado brand 350g each).
  • 500ML boiling water.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp ginger.
  • 1tsp cinnamon.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1dstspn flaked chilli.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tblspn of olive oil.
  • A can of coconut milk 400g.
ORANGEY GOODNESS BUT NO ACTUAL ORANGES

Dump the butternut and sweet potato into your slow cooker. Add the seasoning and oil to the boiling water, and stir until melted. Pour into the slow cooker, and leave the contents to cook its bright orange arses off for a couple of hours, on auto.

After a couple of hours, stab a fork into the cubes to see if it’s soft enough to mash up. If it is, you can either do this with a masher, or if you want to be a flash bastard – use a hand blender. Once you’ve mashed it to buggery, add your can of coconut milk, and allow to heat through on low for another forty-five minutes.

Yes I am aware it’s a terrible flash photo.

Serve with whatever the hell you’d like, I’d probably go for garlic and coriander naan bread.

Marrowfat Pea Soup 🥣

One of my lovely instagram followers asked me if I knew a pea soup recipe, so here it is. Full disclosure, I cheated and use canned Marrowfat peas this time, as I had some in the cupboard, and decided to pick those over soaking dry ones to save time.

Shit you’ll need:

  • Two cans of Marrowfat peas (mine were 300g a can).
  • 1 chopped onion.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 1tsp thyme.
  • 500ML boiling water.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1dstspn cracked black pepper.
  • 1tblspn of olive oil.
  • A dollop of plain yoghurt, cream, whatever creamy equivalent you want to swirl into your bowl when serving.

Dump both cans of peas in yer slow cooker, including the liquid they’re sitting in. Add the rest of the ingredients in any order you’d like because it doesn’t really matter.

Let it do its thing on auto for an hour, then come back and check and see what its up to. It could be doing anything I dunno, it’s your kitchen and peas, I don’t know what kind of riff-raff you’ve got in there.

The peas have sunk to the bottom. Sorry.

Stir it about a bit. Now – some folks want a smooth pea soup. If that’s what you want, this is point in which you put the contents into a blender or food processor, and whizz the fuck out of it until it’s smooth. It’s going to be hot liquid, so be careful. When you’ve done that, return it to the slow cooker and heat on low for another hour. If like me you don’t give a shit and just want to eat it, leave the soup in the slow cooker for another hour on low, at which point it will be ready to shove in yer gob with some nice bread. Add your dollop of whatever creamy stuff you chose, and swirl it through the soup. It’ll look fancy for about thirty seconds before you ruin things with your spoon.

This was shortly before I threw some of the soup down me front like a twat. I also dropped me bread in it. #WINNING

Sweet Corn Noodle Soup 🌽

Photos will be forthcoming. I have been a tad busy (read very) today so I’m writing this up from memory with photos to come later.

Dead easy to make, this is my veggiesaurus version of chicken noodle soup which as we all know is FUCKING AWESOME for when you’re recovering after a nasty dose of *plague.

Shit you’ll need:

  • 500ML boiling water.
  • 1 large can of sweet corn (mine was 326g).
  • 1tblspn olive oil.
  • 1 chopped onion.
  • 1tsp garlic powder.
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes.
  • 1tblspn English mustard.
  • 3 cups of frozen mixed vegetables.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1tsp thyme.
  • 1dstspn of cracked black pepper.
  • 3 nests of angel hair pasta.

Rev up the slow cooker. Add the boiling water, oil, and dry ingredients. Stir until they’re melted in. Add the mustard, followed by the onions, and then the nests of pasta. When the pasta starts to soften, add the can of sweet corn and vegetables. Stir and leave to cook its arse off on auto for about an hour.

After an hour, stir it again, and cook it for a further hour on low. Can be served with soft squishy bread, or sipped slowly from a large mug so you don’t burn yer gob during your plague.

*Not actual plague, it’s just the term I use for anything snot/cough/gunge related. Deeply unpleasant shite.

Mushroom and chickpea soup 🍄 🥣

This soup didn’t actually start off as soup. I’d thrown a ton of stuff in my slow cooker the night before, and after realising how good it tasted I thought I’d turn the rest into the aforementioned soup.

It’s cooled right down after that fucking horrible heatwave, so now I can use my slow cooker to create soup experiments to my heart’s content.

Shit you’ll need:

  • A punnet of mushrooms, sliced (300g).
  • A can of chickpeas (400g).
  • 1tsp rosemary.
  • 1tsp basil purée or dried basil.
  • 1tsp salt.
  • 1 vegetable stock cube.
  • 2tsp cracked black pepper.
  • 2tblspns pesto.
  • 1tblsp lime juice.
  • 1tsp garlic purée or powdered garlic.
  • 1tblsp mushroom ketchup.
  • 100g of butter, or equivalent.
  • 1 pint of water.

All you do – is dump the lot into a slow cooker, give it a stir, and let it do its thing on the ‘auto’ setting for a couple of hours. Now, before putting the leftovers of this into the blender for soup, I had the first half with some steamed rice. I don’t have a photo of that, because I was HANGRY, and I was too busy shoving it in me gob. Here’s what it looked like after I whizzed the fuck out of in my blender for two minutes:

Whizzed.

Yes I KNOW it LOOKS like explosive baby poo, but it tastes bloody fantastic I promise you. I put it back in the slow cooker and let it heat up for an hour.

I also roasted some chopped vegetables sprayed with olive oil in the oven to go with it, so here is my obligatory fancy photo with the veg:

FANCY.

You can serve it with whatever you like obviously.

Mushroooooooms 🍄

🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄🍄

This is sadly not candlelight food. It’s my lightbulb-just went-as-I-was-taking-a-photo, food. I was presented with a large amount of chopped mushrooms, so I slow cooked them in garlic, salt, cracked black pepper, almond milk, and onions. Bloody lovely. (Fry’s chicken style strips were added later on). It turned out to be accidentally vegan.

For new readers – I’m not vegan and probably won’t ever be. I wholly admit my obsession with CHEESE, and I have tried many cheese alternatives that sadly don’t address my cravings. I am a cheese monster.

I’m having issues with chopping stuff at the moment (fucking stupid hands, honestly) so being given the shrooms already chopped was so helpful. There’s no real science to this combo, all I did was throw unmeasured ingredients in my slow cooker, and let them mingle in a low heat for a few hours. Slow cookers are a fucking miracle to folks like me.