This is not my recipe, it’s one I’ve slightly altered for my own tastes. The original recipe is HERE.
I used egg replacer, and substituted the packed brown sugar for muscovado sugar, and the standard sugar for icing sugar. If you want a dairy free option, try using coconut oil or vegetable oil in place of the butter, either will work. Using a high cocoa content dark chocolate will be fine to keep any milk out of the process. I’ve said before that I keep egg replacer in my cupboards because it’s very economical to do so for the price.
It was so bloody hard NOT to just scoff allllll the dough.
My kitchen smelled fucking amazing with these baking. The last photo is a pile of eleven, because obviously I had to scoff a warm cookie when they were ready, duh.
There is nothing more comforting than home made rice pudding during the winter months. It won’t surprise you to learn that I make it with my slow cooker, because of course I bloody do.
Shit you’ll need:
500g pudding rice.
A can of evaporated milk approx 410g. Non dairy alternative: Oatly Oat cream 2 x 250ML.
A can of condensed milk approx 400g. (I use these in place of sugar, so substitute for 1 cup of sugar, or 1 cup of xylitol if you need it to be sugar free).
50g butter. Can be substituted with coconut oil, or omitted if you wish.
500ML milk, or 500ML of Oatly Whole Drink. It’s seriously creamy.
2tsp nutmeg if you want it to be cooked with the pudding, OR you can sprinkle it on top of your servings after.
Put all your ingredients in your slow cooker, stir them up like SOME KIND OF MAD WITCH, and leave on auto setting for a couple of hours. Check it roughly every thirty minutes and give it a stir to make sure everything mingles properly.
Rice pudding cooking time is not an exact science, so when you are satisfied it has reached your desired consistency, eat it. If you feel you want to add more milk during the cooking process. Hot or cold it is fucking marvellous.
I’m not gonna lie – I’m battling some painful shit right now. Trapped nerve in my shoulder which has fucked my arm up royally, perimenopause which is…’interesting’ to say the least, on top of which I’m living with the wonder that is fibromyalgia, most likely the result of the complex-post-traumatic-stress-disorder I live with. Yes, I realise that sounds depressing as fuck, but I was done with dressing things up for appearances sake a long time ago. Life is too REAL for that.
I decided around 03:00AM that I wanted–no–needed a cake of some description. Unfortunately, my brainmeats really didn’t want to mess around with weighing out the ingredients, especially since the trapped nerve I mentioned earlier has been responsible for me dropping things more than usual. So what do you do when you want a cake, and you don’t want to fuck about with weighing all the shit out?
You cheat a bit.
89p in an order I made a while ago knowing that I’d definitely use it, so much so that I bought two. Yes, you have to add a few ingredients to make it work, but I didn’t have to weigh anything out. I threw in a little vanilla extract. I added the amount of Nutella in the middle that I thought my pained and hormonal body needed.
No, this is not a perfect Instagram photo that makes everyone go “OooOooOooOoooo I NEEEED TO EAT THAT!” It’s a smart phone photo with flash because that’s what I had at the time.
When I finally sank my teeth into it, it was soft, warm, fluffy, and absolutely fucking gorgeous.
Yes GRUMBLE, because I have had a banging headache for the last two days.
I follow Jack Monroe because frankly, they are a bloody legend. My effort here is directly inspired by their recent crumble recipe, although I’m not vegan (sorry Jack!) and I switched it up a little bit because I had bloody tons of oats, and I really bloody love the aforementioned oats.
I bought the berries frozen because they were on offer on a two for reduced price deal, that my addled fucking brain has completely forgotten. I sprinkled them with sugar, and let them sit overnight until they had defrosted and were sitting in their juices.
My topping went like this:
Four cups of dry oats.
3tblsp set honey.
3tblsp peanut butter.
All you need to do, is melt the butter, honey, and peanut butter in a pan large enough to mix the oats into. When everything is melted and combined, tip the oats in and make sure they’re all saturated.
Press down on top of the berry mixture, and bake in the oven for half an hour, on a medium heat. I have also forgotten what temperature I set my oven to, because fibromyalgia is kicking my arse, and I’ve had a crushing headache for the last two days. I am appallingly useless at times.
Serve with ice-cream, custard, cream, or whatever you’d like, even if you’re really weird and you want ketchup on it.
This was an accident because I’d never made a mug cake before, and I thought I’d fuck it up like a weapons grade pillock. Turns out it worked quite nicely:
3 tbsp caster sugar.
3 tbsp self raising flour.
3 tbsp cocoa powder.
3 tbsp milk.
3 tbsp double cream.
3 tbsp oil.
1 tsp vanilla essence.
Combine all ingredients in a LARGE coffee mug, or bowl. Put in the microwave for one and a half to two minutes depending on your microwave. Mine took one minute forty seconds in an 800w microwave. Will make a large pudding enough to share between two people, or just one if you’re being a greedy shitbag like me.
I also added a handful of crushed mixed nuts, but you don’t have to.