On why today is fired..

So a few days ago, I got a shiny new toy that replaced my dead slow cooker, which had served me well. Anyway, I tried the new toy for the first time today, and it did not go to plan. In fact, things went a tad awry.

The infernal shitbox.
The offending contraption: Pressure King Pro. 

That’s from me instawank account if you hadn’t guessed. I was all kinds of excited to try it, I’d prepared the turkey and veg etc, and I was waiting for it to pressurise…

…and waiting.

…and waiting.

AND WAITING.

Did it pressurise? Did it fuck. Of course it didn’t. Why would it do as it’s supposed to, when it can piss me off and bugger up my dinner? Yes of course the valve was closed, I did everything right, it’s just Sod’s law dictates that whenever Alex gets a shiny new toy, inevitably something will go amiss. S’true.

Tomorrow it is going back to Amazon, whereupon I shall be issued with a refund with which I will procure myself a replacement slow cooker, because this will teach me to try and buy a fancy appliance that can apparently do everything but give yer dad a blow-job. Turns out it doesn’t do owt but sit there like cheese at fourpence.

My other issue was the fact that alongside faffing with a faulty unit, I was also putting together one of my favourite cakes, a lemon and basil cake. I’ve made it before, turned out lovely. This time however, not so much. I am unsure as to which part I buggered up in my distraction with the Pressure King Pro debacle, but I ended up with a sunken cake. THE HORROR.

That’s not a turd in the middle of my cake batter by the way, it’s basil purée.
It looked so nice before it went in’t oven.

So not only did my dinner not go to plan, but my cake ended up looking like a squishy crater. It tasted fantastic though, so what does Alex do when a cake doesn’t go to plan?

They turn it upside down, throw custard at it, and turn it into a pudding. I was too grumpy to take a photo, I’m sure you’ll survive not seeing one.